Over at my favorite place on the internet, Mel asked us “What would it look like if today you were introducing yourself for the first time?”
I love how easily my answer came to me. Hi, I’m Katt. I’m 23 years old. I’m taking my first real steps towards making my Dream Life and my Real Life the same thing. I’m stupid happy and crazy in love. My life definitely isn’t perfect but I am so incredibly blessed.
I can’t think of a single time in my life when that answer could have come from me. I really am so happy with where I am. What I’m doing. Who I am. I’ve struggled with liking who I am for so many years, to finally really like myself is like opening my eyes for the first time.
Remember when you were little and there was that one person that you completely looked up to? That person you didn’t really know, but you painted a storyline and a life for them and they became The Person You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
For me, that was Katrina. I was five or six and she was in high school and I was completely enamored. When I was a baby mouse in my first Nutcracker, she was our King Mouse. She ran track and field and was in marching band. She played flute and trumpet and is actually the reason I went into band in middle school (playing flute, with hopes of eventually picking up trumpet as well). She went to Stanford on scholarship and I think I declared I would do the same. I adored her; I doubt she knew me from any of the other little girls running around the studio.
I think if little-girl-me knew me now she’d want to be just like me when she grew up. I know if 13-year-old-me knew me now, she’d be jealous and convinced she’d never have a life like mine.
I am so blessed. I have two wonderful parents who will celebrate 28 years of marriage next month and who love me so very much. I’m living in one of my favorite cities with one of my best friend-sisters. I’m dancing in not one but two dance companies. I’m making coffee at an awesome bakery. I’m completely in love with the man of my dreams. I ski. I hike. I go flying. I knit. I read books. I’m secretly a 1950’s housewife. I’m almost everything I’ve always wanted to be. I am so blessed.
I’ve felt myself growing up a lot recently. It’s little things and sometimes I catch myself and wonder who I am.
I’ve started eating vegetables. I’ve changed my sheets every month this year. My student loan will be paid off this month.
The weirdest of these is eating vegetables. I was allowed to be a very picky eater as a child and never developed a taste for veggies. I mean, I loved potatoes and corn and green beans, but not much else. My Mom would sneak them into dinners and I always caught on and was never amused. A couple of years ago Becky’s Dad grilled some zucchini, squash, and carrots on the grill and they were so good. Last month when I was dreaming of summer I remembered how perfect those veggies were and went to the store to buy some. And made them for dinner. And a snack. And lunch. For the next week. Becky, knowing I don’t.eat.veggies., kept asking if I was feeling okay and if aliens had abducted me without her knowledge.
Last week we went out for burgers at DeLuxe. When we got home I commented to Becky that the burger was one of the first non-organic burgers I’ve had in a long time. That I don’t eat a lot of red meat, but when I do it’s because I’m somewhere with organic, local beef and so I’ll order a burger and oh my goodness when did I become this person who pays attention to what she’s eating in a healthy way and can you believe these words coming out of my mouth? Becky and I have known each other for 10 years this up coming August and so she’s just as shocked by all these changes as I am.
I’ve, for the most part, stopped buying things made in China. D and I call it our Anywhere But China campaign. (Our computer, phone, and camera equipment are exceptions.) A friend made a similar decision about five years ago and I remember thinking I could never do that. That it’s a good idea but impractical and how will I buy everything I need without buying things made in China? It’s really easy – pay attention to the labels and find alternatives. Last summer I bought hiking pants. I tried on three pairs at REI and liked them all, but ultimately bought my North Face ones because they were made in Bangladesh, not China like the other two.
I had the most amazing rehearsal last month.
I haven’t found words to explain, nor am I sure I should find words to explain.
But I think it was life changing. One of the most important rehearsals I’ve ever had.
I’ve heard people say this a thousand times, and I’m sure you have to, but I’m starting to realize just how true it really is: once you stop trying to please everyone else and make everyone else happy, you begin to find yourself and end up being happier than you could’ve ever dreamt.
Lorelai: You know the one thing that grown-ups don’t call themselves?